I Lost Money -- Makes Me Not Want to Blog About It!

Ok, so I got bored as I wrote before. And I lost money. But at least I got out and now I will watch out when I get bored. I will watch my emotional levels around stocks and not get too greedy.

I had a minor successes of course, about 30 times. That should have been a clue that I'm doing well with little wins and I should not tweak my game completely out of boredom and greed without a hedge against the kind of risk associated with the new direction.

I wrote on 3/30 in my journal regarding XCO, where I put all my money:

Crap. This thing has been going downhill. 1.06 high, then .97 low today. Yesterday it was 1.04 to .98 range mostly down. Then before, two days of staying at 1.01. Volatility gone. Before, it was going down from 1.20 to 1.01 in a nice straight slide, right after I bought a big stake and bought more as it went down. If there was some volatility move up, then at least I would have gotten out. But no. My only option is to buy more as the stock price goes down, which moves my average cost down, so improves my chance of making it back when the stock goes back up.

So now I have been buying as it slid down, and am at 1.14 average with 90% of my money in it, still in losing position but with more money at stake... gah. What the hell? I am no day trader. I need to do a lot better than this, than sitting with a loser for almost two weeks, paralyzed. I am a joke.

They say it's emotional game. Well, every cent this stupid stock moves, I have a hundred bucks moving up or down. And then the damn thing doesn't move, which is frustrating too. And then if it hits my range and I want to sell to get out of it at least, a thought occurs to me, what if it breaks the ceiling? What if it shoots up after I sell? And I'm selling at a loss. But I need to get out. Aaah.

My mind won't shut up and can't make sense of what to do.

I carefully made a $100 in the market over a month... and then got bored. Decided to play with the big boys. Bought high, and am worried now about selling low... as the market is going even lower. Nice, Misheel. Nice. I can't cut it with the big boys yet obviously. I need a strategy that will work!

I wrote on 4/1 in my journal regarding XCO:

Sold everything at .99, 1.01, and 1.02. It is a loss I took because I was stupid. In the future, when I buy 5000 stocks of something, I will not hold out with a big loss in hopes it will come back. I will not hold out for a big win. I will get my little win and leave.

Now I need to trade 1 cent up on 5000 stocks 15 times to recoup my loss
or 2 cents 8 times
or 3 cents 5 times
or 4 cents 4 times
or 5 cents 3 times...

And since I don't want to be in one stock like I was ever again, I will spread that across at least 5.

Which means I need to do a lot of trades (15-75 different trades of 1000 stocks each) to make up this one loss. But you know, I don't think I would have learned this lesson just by looking at this chart. When you actually feel it, it's real.

That's why I highly recommend playing with real money, but a little bit initially -- as teenagers, to learn day trading. I'm learning in my 30s.

So here's what I learned:

Optimism: "It will go up and I'll sell. I might make something of this (after all)."

Excitement: "Ooh, see? It went up! I wonder if it will continue. I mean, I'm supposed to ride the trend, right?"

Thrill: "Holy cow! I've got a winner." "This one is going up and up, for sure."

Euphoria: "I'm a genius at picking stocks." "Why didn't I buy more of this before?!"

Anxiety: "Dang, I need this to retrace back up."

Denial: "Well, pullbacks happen. It will be back up soon. I'll wait and see."

Fear: "Shit, will I get my money back?"

Desperation: "I just lost $$ money in _ day(s). What the heck?! I could have made money in these other stocks but I lost money in this instead."

Panic: "Holy cow, what do I do? Sell now to cut my losses? Should I wait? What if this thing tanks and goes bankrupt? But I want my money back. I need it back. My ___(boss/spouse) would kill me. I knew what goes up, can also go down... but how could I be so stupid?"

Despondency: "I suck at this. This is the worst pick ever. Why am I so shitty and stupid? Why didn't I have a better plan? Or any plan? Why didn't I get out of this stupid, shitty, crappy crap of a stock?!"

Depression: "I don't believe it. It is a little higher. But I bet it will fall again. Just my luck."

Hope: "Maybe I can recover some of my losses. Should I sell now? How about now? Before it tanks again, maybe I should sell...??"

Relief: "Thank goodness I stuck with it. I really didn't want to lose _% of my money. At least now I have most of it back..."

Optimism: (see above)

I also learned about industry cycles with economic cycles. I read transcripts and statements from the insiders, filings. I read analysts -- everything ever written about XCO in the last year. I read about oil and natural gas politics. I read about which regions are doing what and how regulations are affecting the industry. I read about solar and wind, and other energy sources. How those companies are doing. 

There is nothing more invigorating and interesting than when you lose money in a stock. It made me suddenly learn a whole lot about stuff I didn't know. But it's all because I don't want to lose money.

So, in the future, I will read up a bit more before I jump in. My new plan includes multiple portfolios all with different strategies on FinViz.com. It is awesome, organized, and... it is complicated, but it will separate out my problem of getting confused with my stocks and selling when I meant to hold just because I was going to make money. I would remember better to only allocate certain amount to day trading and always separate the funds to at least 5 stocks so I don't have my heart riding up and down with it.

Thank goodness we have the extra funds we don't need so I can do this without eating into our living funds. Thank goodness my husband is understanding so he trusts that I am doing my best. He tells me tips and thoughts ("Don't ever buy Twitter -- I still don't think they give enough value to anyone."). But he also listens when I tell him why I like what I like.

Still, I bet he wouldn't like it if I kept getting "bored."